singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
