I just threw up on my dentist
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
