She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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