Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize