I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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