And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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