bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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