i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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