My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are the jesus of drinking
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
