Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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