I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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