don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
