She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
