If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
