I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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