kristin has been a bad kristin
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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