new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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