fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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