Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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