I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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