Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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