so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
