SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
