the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
