Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
