I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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