The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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