you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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