Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
