I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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