The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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