I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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