I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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