my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
