no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
whose ass print is on the piano?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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