I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
