You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
