i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
