New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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