She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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