im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
