Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
