i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
