i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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