He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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