And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
