shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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