Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
