worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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