is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
3 2 1 whiskey
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
