So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
