I just pynch a tree in the face
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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