Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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