walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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