when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dont even know how to be here
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
