Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
