Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
