are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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