Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
