Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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