how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
home. puking in laundry basket.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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