You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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