Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
