You smell like stripper and shame
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
