Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
how drunk are you?
Several
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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