It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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