im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
