If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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