I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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