I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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