theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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