By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
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Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize