Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
