I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
