i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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