I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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