I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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