Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
