I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He felt like a one man threesome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
