rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
