when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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