It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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