If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
