This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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