i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
from now on my penis is your penis
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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